I love black thongs
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
