2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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