He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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