Already got asked if we're dating
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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