Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
