Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
