Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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