dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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