I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
