I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
