You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
