you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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