Your dad touched me again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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