well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
