It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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