He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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