I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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