two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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