im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mom said you looked used
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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