the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
