a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
