I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize