Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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