I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
