my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
