Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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