Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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