I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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