she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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