Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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