Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
