I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
