Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize