I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
