New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
