I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
