yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
