Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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