remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
