Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
