if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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