The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
