his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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