i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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