you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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