Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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