Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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