smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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