Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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