Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize