There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We have started to decorate penises.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i've created a new STD.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
