Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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