I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize