and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize