I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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