The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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