just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
