you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
