i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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