And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
