You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
