the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
