just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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