i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
